


Out of These Four Walls

by annetta23



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Liverpool F.C., M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 02:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13425234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annetta23/pseuds/annetta23
Summary: Together, but insecure. This is the story of Jordan Henderson-Adam Lallana dealing with the demons in their heads.





	Out of These Four Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely based on my older fic, Lust or Love :)
> 
> Hope you like it!

“Well, it’s a path you took,”

James looked down at the concrete ground, as if it deserved his guilt-coated stare. Jordan just moaned about his situation, obviously offended by James’ honest observation. Most likely, because it’s correct.

“I love him,” Jordan reasoned. “I don’t want to feel like it’s a burden,”

 

“It's a burden only because you think it is.”

 

Now Jordan felt judged. _God damn._

 

“Put on different glasses, mate. It’s not a burden, just a process.”

 

And this process had been kind of…a burden. Suddenly holding hands seemed scary. All of a sudden a simple kiss in open air would cause Jordan a headache. He’d look at Adam, just to catch the same fear in his eyes. Fear, and hope. He was just as miserable. How were they gonna get out of this “process”?

 

 _The process of accepting you’re gay, and your partner is a bearded man_ , Jordan scoffed. Suddenly he missed Jordan. His soft beard between his fingers, the way his thin lips would curve to a smile. Hmm…What could Adam possibly be doing now? Adorably sipping tea, in the corner of their loveseat?

 

Yeah, pretty likely.

 

Jordan said goodbye, glad he got to hang with James again. That’s what they did in most training nights; stayed late, talking heart to heart, captain to vice captain. Mostly it’s just Jordan, moaning and moaning and moaning, then James would end the night with a few wise words. And Jordan would feel like a new man, driving home with a new found perspective.

 

Sometimes he thought he didn’t deserve the captain armband.

 

 *

 

The four walls were their universe; save yet free. They could love however they wished, touched each other like nobody's watching, because there was indeed nobody else. Whispered all the sweet words, acted like nothing was indecent, because they could.

 

Just within these four walls.

 

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” Adam whispered to Jordan’s neck, as they were sprawling together in their bed like exhausted children. His cheeks flushing red, so adorable, Jordan thought lovingly. He was ready to fall asleep in the afterglow of their sex, but since Adam brought up the topic, well…

“You’re still worried about tomorrow,” Adam crawled up, obviously reading Jordan’s unspoken thoughts. “We’re gonna be okay,”

 

That’s surprising.

 

“You’re not nervous anymore?”

 

Long they just stared at each other, savoring the view in front of them. _Yeah, let’s just forget it all_ , Jordan wished inside his head. He really could be that pathetic, but Adam seemed less concerned now, and Jordan wondered why and how.

 

“But this is so cheesy,” Adam shook his head. “You’re so gonna laugh at me,”

 

“No way. Come on, tell me.”

 

Adam turned fifty shades of red. Maybe the reason really was cheesy. But most importantly, Adam was smiling cheek to cheek.

 

“You know what,” Adam rested on his boyfriend’s chin. “I got all worried for tomorrow and then…I thought about that day, in the shower at Emirates. Once I got you, I realized all worries should stop there.”

 

That day at the Emirates. What a crazy day that was…

 

The day Jordan gave in to love, because he realized it was not fightable. He decided that it wasn’t love with Adam, because he’s a guy. But Jordan’s aching bones, sleepless nights, and growing frustrations everytime Adam graced his view was proof, that he could not deny it forever.

 

He wanted Adam, and thank god he did something about it before it was too late.

 

“What would I do without you?” Jordan pulled Adam higher, until their beating hearts met. He breathed smoothly, now that the twisted thoughts and doubts in his head were untwined.

 

“Hmm…I don’t know,”, Adam smirked. “Snogging on Van Dijk? He’s so fine…”

 

“Our jaws dropped when he walked in, yeah,”

 

Jordan laughed uncontrollably. Van Dijk was hot. Some of the lads were really hot, there’s no denying. But they were no Adam Lallana.

 

“Van Dijk got nothing on you. I love you,” Jordan confessed, kissing Adam’s smiling pout. “Good lord I love you dearly…Fuck,”

 

Jordan trailed down Adam’s sweat-sticky body. He’s ready for another round, and he’s ready for tomorrow.

 

He’s gonna take this out of these four walls.

 

 

  

 


End file.
